2020 is #Cancelled

Ferris Wheel
Photo by Hannah Morgan
You've thought it. I know you have. I've been thinking about it non-stop. Just short of obsessively, honestly.

And that thought is...what if we have to be cooped up all summer?

For those of us who live in the less-than-warm parts of the world, summer is our one respite from the hibernation-inducing months. Summer is the one chance we get to go outside with our friends and have barbecues and picnics. It's the one chance we get to enjoy longer days and warm nights and bonfires and cold drinks on patios. And even beyond that, if you are someone who struggles with S.A.D then it's also the one time you really get to feel like yourself.

This year started off horribly for most of the world. I was kind of hoping that half-way through we might be able to achieve some normalcy, even if it was just to enjoy our summer. I am starting to realize that that may have been hopeful naivety. And that, in fact, this entire year might very well be canceled.

The last few weeks have been difficult for...well, everyone, I imagine. Certainly for me. The first few weeks of quarantine, I didn't really struggle. It was kind of a gift, in a twisted little way. I had taken to quarantine quite well. I'd organized and cleaned and cooked and worked out and journaled and read books and watched movies. I basically caught up on all the things I had been wanting to catch up on.

But now that we are well into this quarantine, the difficulties that were plaguing so many of my friends and family have hit me. It's not so much due to anything in particular, but more due to the fact that I am stressed about work, about Rozee, about my apartment, about the dog, about my mental and physical health, and usually when I am stressed, I go do something. I escape. But there is nowhere to escape to. I have to stay and be stressed in the same place that is stressing me out.

All that said, I have been able to get myself out of these moments by remembering how lucky I am. How lucky I am to have my health. To have a job. To have a home with a balcony. To be able to go outside to walk the dog. To be able to work from home. To have a partner I get along with. How lucky I am that my family, my animals, and my friends are safe and healthy.

...Snacks, cuddles with Willy (the cat loaf), Disney movies, and wine have helped, too.