27 Candles

Photo by Jonathan Borba

February 6th was my birthday.

My 27th birthday, to be clear.

Which, to me, is insane. And deeply melancholic. And also, in kind of a sick way, motivating.

There are a lot of things I want to accomplish in my life. Above all, I'd like to look back and think, "I had some great adventures." And while I've certainly lived through a lot already, I've done nothing that I'm truly, truly proud of.

Well, I shouldn't say "nothing". But a small handful of things when I want my hands to be overflowing with them can make those small things, though significant, seem invisible.

There has been a lot of talk in my friend group about "this being the year". Or "good things are going to happen this year". Or even just "big things are going to happen this year". And I agree. I can feel it in my bones the way they must feel it in theirs. But I also know the difference between big things—great things—and nothing at all is a simple tip of the scales. There must be a catalyst. And I am not always the best catalyst for change, great or big, in my life. I think through every decision to the point of exhaustion. I weigh my pros and cons down to the last gram. And even then, even when everything points to a decision, I often find myself waiting for the change to happen on its own.

This is a fear-based habit that I am only beginning to wake up to. I still don't fully recognize when I'm doing it, and I definitely don't have the tools in place to combat it. Yet. But that is also the point of this post.

I was watching a YouTube video a few months back and it was of a woman recounting all of the wonderful things she's experienced and learned since her last birthday. One of the items she mentioned was that every year for her birthday she does something she's afraid of.

That struck a chord with me, deep in my gut, because for as much as I fear change, I thrive on a challenge.

So this year, and all the years to come, I am making a few promises to myself. The first is that I promise to travel. In any capacity. I will not turn down an opportunity to see the world and create adventures for myself to replay when I am too old to begin new ones. And if an opportunity does not reveal itself, then I will make one. It's just too important to my soul to not.

The second thing is that I will stop living in fear and instead, conquer it. Every year, on my birthday, I will pick a new fear (or two, or three) to overcome. And every day until my next birthday I will work on overcoming that fear.

The third thing is that I will pursue my passions. The real ones. Not the fleeting ones. I will pursue my writing. I will pursue my love of wellness and horses and friendship and family. They are the things that matter and I must stop losing sight of them.

And for fuck sakes, I am getting those tattoos I want!

That's all for now.

Talk soon.